Almost forgot that this is the whole point of living.

Off work, and because of work, I went to both Banyuwangi and Bali for two weeks this spring.

Not to make it big or life-changing, like many others hadn’t, I haven’t had a proper holiday in the last three years. Only short trips or short getaways, never really ‘properly’. Besides all the planning and savings, and after realizing that not getting enough sunlight isn’t good for my health, I decided to just take the risk and spend two weeks outside home.

Yes, money buys happiness and holidays need money. But as a worker, what’s the point of making a living if you’re not going to live?

I remember those English + Chinese projects back in junior high where we had to recount our vacations and retell the stories in English / anything but our mother tongue. Up until early highschool, my stories were always the same; my hometown in Southeastern Sulawesi, all the rural life (very distant from the big and competitive cities in Java), providing a hand at my parent’s store, playing Nintendo DS all day, consistently discovering and posting art on my art account. We’ve all been there, having a double life at the rural side of the country.

There’s no similar projects now and we write whenever we want to, now. But I’ve also become an entirely different person now, a worker that tries finishing college on her final year. I don’t really post art anymore, but I still make art. I don’t really write stories anymore, but I still dream of publishing my own book. My current job is my dream job — in the wedding industry — but sometimes, it’s just that. Going into the office, practicing some new skills, and there’s that.

I’ve always wanted to go to Banyuwangi and this is my first time ever visiting it. It was Eid holiday and the stores were closing, so I didn’t have to pile myself up with both thesis and paperwork. Lowered my screentime, and saw the world around me with my own two eyes. Nature has always been beautiful since years ago and now it’s still so beautiful that it makes me think how does the world become more beautiful as it ages?

That the earth preserves more memories than a human ever could.

Ijen has been around since thousands of years ago and it’s witnessed the land changing through the years. It’s hauntingly beautiful to think about, and to realize that just now at that very moment that I was witnessing a glimpse of that mountain, makes you wonder how our ancestors respected nature centuries ago.

I almost forgot that this was the whole point of living.

The more exciting part of this entire getaway is Bali.

The most beautiful island in the world. Well, one of it. Every single videographers and traveller’s bucket list. When my plane landed in Bali, the air was different, and it was my first solo flight ever either. I’ve never felt more anxious yet free, as it Bali was welcoming a stranger like me, while holding my father and brother’s semi-obsession with Bali.

Yes, the men in my family LOVES Bali, never got the hype until now. My brother sold cars and my father was a photographer so they really loved traveling. The greatest gift is the ability to see beauty everywhere.

Now, I’m not the traveler’s type or someone who just got into traveling then suddenly be in love with it. Although I don’t wish to alarm anyone, opening my eyes made me to be ridiculously optimistic and more hopeful about my life. Because the world is too big and too beautiful to be explored. I may not live my life traveling through all 7 nations, or with big adventures like those viral Youtubers do. I respect their ambitions, but maybe I’ll never live through it.

Bali was my business trip. Got a big project going on at a small island, all the while satisfying my curiosity by strolling through a foreign city, meeting and waving at strangers all the time. The last memory of Bali I’ve had is a long time ago with my little family. The warmth remains, and now I’m back in that magical island within a new light.

And a new realization. I should’ve been grateful with my life. Being on vacation is a privilege of mine, so why wouldn’t I be content and happy with it? The goal is to grow old with memories, not just with dreams.

We went through the recently opened Nuanu (a creative city of artworks + an iconic beach club) and several viral cafes. All while keeping up with work, so it was the perfect definition of “work from Bali”. Here, I’ve always been the more quiet one, and I see no obligation in speaking and meeting a lot of people. But this is what my brother would’ve wanted, so I savored every single second of it.

(somewhere in the world there is a tree that sprouted the same day you were born and has been growing along with you. We’re never alone in our growth.)

The entire point is, I’m not saying those English — Chinese projects were that important in challenging our brains to recount and write our beautiful experiences in different perspective. The use of fancy words and TOEFL dictionaries to describe a specific taste of food, water, snacks, or even matcha. What began as a simple assignment may be a great investment for us later in life. Especially hitting certain ages.

(many forget that we should reach a certain financial stability in order to enjoy life. but even more forget, including me, that working up to our dreams are part of that beautiful process either.)

I studied communications at college. Wanted to pursue art but reality (and covid happened) so i ended up majoring in creative media. Studied filmmaking and screenwriting. Dreamed of publishing my own book and making cute arts. Then now working as a copywriter at a creative company. I’ve always loved filmmaking and directed several films back in college, so now I’d love to direct some mini-vlogs of my lovely getaways. I’m not saying I’m skilled at it, but at least I love it. The art of going into places and recording our versions of that memory, saving money for the right device to preserve everything, just like what my father did.

Personally, there are some other realizations / takeaways from this trip after conversing with amazing people:

• How we shouldn’t really wait for life to happen, it’s been happening to us since birth.
• We can’t control everyone, but we should do our best.
• You’re living someone’s dreams and prayers.
• Everything is beautiful when you look at it with love.

I’ve always had this mini anxiety of taking selfies and taking pictures of myself. The body dysmorphia and pent-up trauma blinded me. But all I know now is that I’m someone’s daughter, someone’s sister, someone’s lover, someone’s friend. Maybe one day someone’s mother. There was this trend on Tiktok where everyone posts their best-looking beautiful photographs, saying it might be their “this was your mother” pic.

I’ve always thought that beauty IS physical and visual. But then I’ve come to know that it all comes from the mind. My wellness, my gratitude, my inner peace. My love for self. It is a privilege to yearn after our own memories and the fact that the person I’m looking at in the mirror now was just a baby girl, I’ve made peace with myself.

Now it’s time to get back to work in that big city. The city my ancestors have always dreamed of. How my safe travels are also a result of someone’s nightly prayers.

(Glad i went through those bad experiences at a young age. Wouldn’t wish that on my daughter and worst enemies.)